I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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