You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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