I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
