You can't motorboat a personality
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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