Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
