And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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