forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
