I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He passed out mid-signature
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
