I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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