Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
