My pussy is not your playground.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
