I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
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I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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