Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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