no, he came in my armpit
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
