my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
