i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
