It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
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When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
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So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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