IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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