yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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