Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just had sex on a roof
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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