Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
