They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
