matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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