I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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