please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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