she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
