i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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