Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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