you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
