Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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