Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
