I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
