I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
