By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
