The maid of honor just puked.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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