Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
