whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
