It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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