i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
