I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
