You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize