I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
