Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
