I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
