my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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