I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
