Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
