Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
