I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
