I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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