smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
