The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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