my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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