5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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