She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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