I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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