I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
