Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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