If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
