i already hear my dad disowning me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
