So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
