I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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