Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
