how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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