The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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