I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
