my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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