hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
