You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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