Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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