I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
