Nicole vs. Life
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
