OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
