I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
