we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
