He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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