Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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