i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
