omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
