So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
