I like my sex mixed with concussions.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
