My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
