Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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